Better Sleep for Free: How to Get Good Quality Sleep Without Spending a Fortune (Or Anything At All)
Sleep is like the 8th wonder of the world. But not getting enough sleep might be what’s standing in the way between you and burning bright in your life. The good news? Getting soul-deep sleep is free… if you’re willing to (breath)work for it. So let’s get into it!
Not a morning person? I can’t relate… anymore!
But for a long time I dreaded the dawn.
When I was young I woke up naturally at 6am. That changed drastically when I started struggling with depression and food and body stuff in my teens. All through my 20s, it was almost impossible for me to sleep at night. I’d struggle to fall asleep and wake up constantly. Whether it was the 3am fears or feeling hungry that woke me up, I couldn’t sleep through the night in over a decade. I probably averaged less than 5 hours a night.
When I decided to sort my life out when I was 29, one of the greatest (unexpected) gifts was miraculously being able to sleep again!
But stumbling upon pretty amazing sleep wasn’t some stroke of luck or magic. I chose it. Just like you get to!
Why you struggle to sleep
Turns out that many Americans, nearly 33% according to most studies, dread getting up in the morning and actually struggle to get themselves out of bed. While there’s a lot that can contribute to this “not-a-morning-person” feeling, not getting enough quality sleep is a huge factor.
Newsflash. You’re not a robot, you’re a human being. When you’re not sleeping well at night, it’s impossible to feel rested when you wake up.
But of course, duty calls!
After hitting the snooze button a few (dozen) times, you get up – but you’re grumpier, hungrier, and less enthusiastic than you want to be.
And that sucks.
To steal a line from Snickers, you’re not YOU when you’re tired!
Not only does your window of tolerance shrink when you’re exhausted, but it’s impossible to “spiritually evolve” when you’re tired.
Human beings can’t “evolve” beyond basic needs. And sleep is a basic human need.
Everyone wants to burn bright, find purpose, fulfill their potential and stamp their soul all over their life. At least, that’s what everyone who signs up to explore breathwork with me wants!
But if you’re not hitting the basics, it’s almost impossible to “self actualize.” Think about Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs – until those lower levels are filled up and solid, you can‘t build beyond that or imprint your soul on the world in any meaningful, or sustainable way.
Regardless of what you’re aspirations may be, you fall to the level of your most basic unmet needs. And sleep is in that bottom layer.
As is breathing! More on that later.
But, trust me. I’m not sitting over here in the Sleep Ivory Tour acting like good sleep is “easy.”
I get it.
When I was struggling with disordered eating, my basic needs were not being met in any shape or form that wasn’t destructive. Not only was I not getting the food I needed, but I didn’t feel safe in my body. I was eating (or not eating!) myself alive. I didn’t have enough food or sleep. And not getting enough sleep made me hungrier. And being being hungry meant I couldn’t sleep.
It was a horrible self-perpetuating cycle. What made things worse: I was aware of the cycle. And still, I couldn’t find a way out until I really started reckoning with the core beliefs I held inside of me that meant taking basic care of myself was hard.
No matter what else I tried to change in my life, no matter how “healthy” I tried to be, how much I wanted to love my boyfriend or connect with friends, or how driven I was to dominate in my career as a creative director, my lack of core needs meant I was blocked from fully thriving. With no self-connection, no real sense of belonging, and no self-esteem that actually felt real, I was stranded for years in the painful beige wastelands trying to “strong arm” my way towards feeling okay. It was a futile pursuit.
To avoid the pain of the loop I was trapped in I’d end up, ironically, sleeping! I couldn’t sleep at night, but I’d often pass out for hours in the middle of the day just so I didn’t have to face myself. But it wasn’t sleep that felt like it counted, it was pure avoidance.
Basic needs are very hungry
Our basic needs command all other resources and will absorb anything, and everything, until they’re met. The cruel joke of being human is we’re wired to survive, not to thrive. We can’t bypass our biological realities. Our dreams and aspirations will get cannibalized by our basic needs every single time.
Sleep is no different than not getting enough food. If you're not getting enough sleep, you will be a shadow of what you could be if you were well resourced.
Now, sure! There are times in our lives when sleep is evasive. Those baby-up-all-night, just-have-to-finish-this-project, I’m-so-excited, having-great-sex nights happen – and they matter.
Not every night is meant to be a perfect night of sleep. Not every season is designed to optimize your sleep habits.
But that doesn’t mean you can’t get the best that’s possible for you right now.
Because, remember. Sleep is like the 8th wonder of the world. When you’re rich in it, your potential is exponential.
Do you need to get better sleep?
Most of us just know that we need to be sleeping more. We literally feel it – all the time. From getting drowsy in the afternoon, to waking up still tired, to day-dreaming of naps, there are some obvious signs that the sleep we’re getting isn’t enough, or not good enough.
It’s easy to get used to a low energy baseline, or quickly blame something (or someone) else. I used to think I didn’t like people! That wasn’t true at all. I was just so under-resourced emotionally and physically that I had no capacity for anything except stumbling from home to the the gym to work, and back again.
There are also some sneakier signs of lacking quality too. Some of these include:
Poor memory
Lack of focus
Insatiable appetite (especially for junk food)
Irritability and mood swings
And that’s just the very tip of the sleep-deprived iceberg.
If you’re looking for a more straightforward answer to your question, “Do I need to get better sleep?” then consider these facts about sleep:
If you regularly sleep seven hours every night you have a higher likelihood of being healthier and living longer. When you sleep less than seven hours a night on a regular basis, then you’re more likely to experience:
Depression
Obesity
Heart disease
Reduced immunity
Diabetes
High blood pressure
Strokes
Now, all bodies and brains are different! Only you really know how you’re feeling.
Some people need more sleep than others in order to feel like themselves and function properly. There are also people who seem to thrive off less than seven hours of sleep each night. Although, even if you “think” you’re fine with less sleep it’s a good idea to conduct an experiment, improve your sleep habits, and notice how your energy shifts.
Also, please consider that age, genetics, lifestyle, seasons of life, and environment all play a role in how much sleep you need.
For example, a baby obviously needs more than seven hours of sleep – and so do women growing babies!
As the most basic, tried-and-true rule of thumb for sleep:
Do you feel sleepy?
Do you feel like you need more energy for basic stuff, and the things that matter?
Do you feel like your quality of sleep could be (a lot) better?
The number of hours you’re getting every night are only a small part of the equation. You can be in bed with your eyes shut, you can even feel like you’re sleeping, but in reality you’re never actually getting into a deep sleep cycle – the kind you need for the magic of sleep to actually happen.
If you’re logging good sleep hours but still feel like you’re tired or like you have some of the side effects of sleep deprivation, then your sleep is (most likely) getting interrupted.
And that’s not a good thing.
Good quality sleep is essential for living a healthy life (and feeling healthy, too.) In one well-known study, out of 164 individuals who exposed themselves to a cold virus through nasal drops on purpose, the ones who got sick were also the ones in the group that got less than six hours of sleep each night.
Your immune system needs the benefits of high quality sleep in order to function the way it’s designed.
And your immune system isn’t alone.
Your brain needs high quality sleep, too. When you’re resting at night, your brain gets “cleaned up.” Specifically, your cerebellum and parts of your frontal lobe. According to researchers, sleep is when toxins get flushed from the brain. Apparently the “space between brain cells gets bigger” in order to allow the brain to flush out toxins. It’s like your brain has pipes that need to get opened up in order for all the gunk to drain out.
There’s a reason why issues with sleep, especially insomnia, are linked to depression – your brain gets overloaded with toxins (of every kind!) i have no idea what toxins were built up in my brain, but I do know one thing. The brain I have now feels like a totally different one than the foggy, negative, and relentless pessimistic brain that was stuck on my neck during my teens and twenties.
Not convinced that keeping things (like your brain) super clean and tidy is worth the effort?
Here’s a big reason why brain-cleanliness matters:
Initial studies suggest that “not sleeping can allow toxins to accumulate and may be linked with brain diseases like Parkinson’s and Alzheimer’s.”
So, what promotes better sleep?
So, humans are pretty magical self-healing creatures… if we decide to be! There are a lot of thing you can do to experience better sleep at night – and I’m not talking about expensive potions or pills. That stuff has a place, but nothing beats the choice to intentionally inhabit your body and support it in healing itself.
The keys to getting better sleep at night are pretty simple:
Move your body enough during the day so that you’re physically tired
Create a comfortable environment where you sleep
Develop healthy sleep hygiene rituals that send your body and mind cues that it’s time to sleep
Don’t drink (too much) caffeine or alcohol
Address stress in your life so that it doesn’t all bubble to the surface as soon as you get horizontal
Keep a sleep journal
Reconsider your bed/mattress situation – you might even try some time sleeping on the floor
If it makes sense for you, considering working with a professional – having a professional sleep study done (while not free) can be a huge help when you’re addressing the quality of your sleep. If you have urges to move your legs, snore, or have burning pain in your stomach, chest, or throat, a professional might be able to help you with an evaluation so that you can pinpoint the cause of your disrupted sleep.
Sounds easy, right?
Or, maybe say that a little bit more sarcastically: Easy? Right…
Before we focus on some of these behavior-based sleep ideas, I want to make one thing very clear. None of stuff above will matter in any real or meaningful way if you don’t also decide that digging deep into your soul through self-awareness, inner work, and healing is worth your time.
Your relationship with yourself is even more foundational than sleep and food. You can’t bypass yourself, or the beliefs you hold about yourself that fundamentally impact your identity (how you think and feel about yourself.)
When I was struggling deeply being “myself” in this world, what I thought was required for me to be okay in the world (being a certain weight, over-working for attention at work, and exercising for 3+ hours a day) made it impossible for me to view sleep as important. Impossible.
A nice bedroom or the perfect weighted blanket had zero-impact on me when I had core beliefs that I was not worthy of love and that in order to be seen and respected I had to have a tiny, lean body.
So, don’t get it twisted. Getting amazing sleep isn’t “hacked.” You have to do the work to believe caring for yourself is foundational to your desire to self actualize. Head here if you want more support digging into the guts of who you are.
Let’s get a little bit more in depth about how to get good quality sleep
Let’s focus on 7 simple things you can start working on today to get better sleep.
Make time for exercise every day. Never forget it. We’re creatures first, humans second. Our bodies were made to move. While you don’t need to add a sixty-minute workout to your already-full0schedule just so that you can get a better night’s sleep, consider how much you’re moving throughout the day. The more you move, even just a short but brisk walk, the less likely you are to wake up while you’re sleeping. One of the reasons for this is that your body’s natural melatonin production gets boosted when you exercise. Finding ways to incorporate a total of three or four hours of exercise each week has shown in studies to make a marked difference on your quality of sleep, including how easy it is to fall asleep. To really amplify the benefits of exercise, try to find times to move your body in the morning sunlight – this helps to set your circadian rhythm so that you’re naturally more tired at night. On the Soul app, we’ve got an amazing Everyday Magic Walk breathwork session if you’re looking for some company when you hit the pavement.
Create a more comfortable sleeping environment. No matter what you think makes you sleep better, almost all researchers agree that in order to create a healthy sleep environment you need to remove screens (no tv and keep phones in other rooms or the hallway), get things dark (add shades or curtains as needed), and keep it cool (no more than 67 degrees Fahrenheit). Because stress is so intrinsically linked to sleep, everything you can do to remove stress from your sleeping environment is important. And while a lot of people would add “quiet” to their lists of bedroom musts, most studies show that you sleep better with ambient sounds or “white noise” – total silence can actually keep you on edge and is (in most cases) difficult to maintain all night long. And if your bedroom is cluttered, it’s time to organize. The less stuff you have in your room, the healthier your sleep environment becomes. Now, I’m not perfect with this. But I have found making my phone screen black and white in the evening makes it a loss less exciting to doomscroll on!
Develop rituals that support healthy “sleep hygiene.” A lot of people hope that if they improve their sleep hygiene they’ll experience better sleep. And, no surprise, they’re right. Experiencing better sleep takes commitment, which is why “rituals” can be key in creating long-term benefits. A ritual is just something you do daily that becomes “part of how you are.” Think of “sleep hygiene” like dental hygiene – you don’t just do floss once a month in order to have a healthy mouth. While there’s less agreement in the sleep world about what the “perfect” sleep ritual is, what matters is that it works for you. A great ritual to improve sleep hygiene is anything that you can commit to regularly, look forward to, and that gives you the results you’re looking for. If you’re busy, don’t feel like this needs to be hours of sleep prep. Maybe it’s just a cup of tea and a good book under your favorite blanket. I cross-stitch most nights instead of scrolling on my phone. My husband calls me a granny, but I don’t care! When I switched my phone for granny-fun last year my sleep improved. And it was already pretty good! When you can, try to get to bed at the same time each night – this part of your ritual helps to set your body’s internal clock so that it can start preparing for bedtime even when you’re busy doing other things.
Consider what you’re eating and drinking during the day – and especially at night. While you definitely don’t want to sleep on an empty stomach (hunger can keep you awake), eating too soon before you go to bed can keep you up at night, too. Most experts agree that all big meals should be eaten at least two hours before you go to bed so that your body can focus on all of the other things it needs to do for your brain and body as it rests – not just digestion! Alcohol and caffeine are also known to disrupt sleep. As much as you might feel like alcohol helps you fall asleep (because it does make you drowsy), that initial drowsiness fades fast leaving you tossing and turning at night.
Find ways to address the stress in your life. “Addressing stress” doesn’t mean ignoring it. In order to sleep well at night you actually need to relieve stress in your life, literally taking the pressure off so that your body and mind can rest. Remember, stress is pressure – and pressure is a stimulus that activates your body’s fight-or-flight chemicals, which is why built-up stress makes it difficult to sleep well (or at all) at night. The more you’re able to find tools to help you de-stress during your day (like breathwork), the more likely you’ll start sleeping much better at night. You can even use anti-stress techniques, like breathing exercises, as you fall asleep. (More on that below…)
Keep a sleep journal. Journaling about your sleep patterns is a great way to start getting to know yourself and your habits. While people like me can tell you all day long that “doing this will give you that”, it isn’t until you start connecting the dots yourself that you really take ownership. Now your sleep rituals aren’t just “because-someone-told-me-so” but rather “because-I-know-so” – and you know which one of these is more powerful for keeping you on track. Some of the things you should include in your sleep journal include the time you went to bed and the time(s) you woke up and how you feel when you get up.
Take inventory of what you’re sleeping on and the effects it’s having on you and your sleep. Finding the perfect mattress can feel impossible, which is why so many people who are invested in getting a great night’s sleep invest so much in a high quality mattress. And while, yes, a mattress that addresses your body’s specifications and sleep preferences will make a world of difference, there are some schools of thought that believe it’s not a better mattress you’re needing – it’s no mattress at all. If you’ve heard of people who elect to sleep on the floor instead of a mattress, there’s reasoning behind their choice. And spoiler! I’m one of those floor-sleepers!
Is there an explanation for why I sleep better on the floor?
About 5 years ago, my husband and I threw out our bed and starting sleeping on the floor. We decided to get rid of our mattress after my now-husband got fascinated by the movement practitioner, Ido Portal, who spoke a lot about how the comforts of modern living were making humans less resilient. After a couple of nights, I fell in love with the firmness of the floor. When we travel to hotels or stay at Airbnbs, I’ll often opt for the floor anyway!
Sleeping on the floor is scientifically-backed too! There’s a whole host of reasons why sleeping on the floor can make you feel better. Among the many benefits, here are three that are discussed the most in no-mattress circles:
Sleeping on the floor keeps you cooler. Here’s a quick science class review for you: Hot air rises. Therefore, sleeping closer to the floor keeps you cooler. Also, most floors themselves are cooler in general. And when you’re cooler, science has proven that you really do sleep better.
Sleeping without a mattress relieves back pain. Orthopedic surgeons will recommend that people with back pain sleep on a “firm surface” 75% of the time. That’s because firmer surfaces help to keep your spine from curving unnaturally or being supported in unnatural ways. While there are way too many causes of back pain to say that sleeping on the floor will help (it absolutely could make things worse), there are plenty of people who are confident that getting off their mattresses is directly linked to a reduction in back pain. This also tracks to Ido’s whole “anti-fragile” philosophy.
Not using a mattress improves your posture. Poor posture is another topic entirely (and it has its own list of health issues it brings, including back pain.) But when you don’t have a soft mattress messing with the natural curvature of your spine and skeletal system, there’s the opportunity for your body to realign – and your posture to improve.
Of course, sleeping on the floor doesn’t mean that you don’t have pillows or blankets or a soft(ish) pad to sleep on. There are a lot of floor-sleeping arrangements that can help you sleep better and feel better when you wake up. I have a thin Japanese bamboo mattress that I love. Before you swear that you’ll never be sleeping on the floor if you can help it, consider the benefits and explore what that would look like in your life. (You might just fall in love!)
And, please, take any problems you have sleeping seriously. Not getting enough sleep isn’t just a nuisance – it’s incredibly important to your mental, physical, and spiritual health. Get in touch with a trusted professional when you know something’s off.
Okay. Who’s ready for a great night’s sleep?
Thought so.
Let’s get to it!
How Can I Have Better Sleep Tonight?
If you’re ready for a great night’s sleep (and who isn’t?) then here are some of the most effective try-tonight tips for you to consider:
Try listening to music before bed. No news. No scrolling. Just some great music you love. While classical music is scientifically proven to reduce stress and blood pressure, don’t feel limited by Beethoven-only playlists.
Turn off your overhead lights. As the sun goes down, reach for softer, more ambient lights like lamps and soft string lights to keep your brain soothed and your circadian rhythm more rhythmic. Candles are, of course, great too.
Skip the afternoon coffee and tonight’s alcohol. We know coffee and alcohol disrupt high quality sleep. Just see what happens for one night – Do you sleep better? Do you feel better? Is it easier to get up in the morning?
Set a firm stop-working time. Of course there’s one more email to send. One more voicemail to listen to. One more project to push a little closer to the finish line. But all of those things can wait until tomorrow too. Respect your sleep rituals if you have them (or create one if you don’t!), including a definite time that you shift out of work-mode.
Anxious? Here Are Some Ideas for How to Sleep Better with Anxiety
Like stress, anxiety interrupts sleep by keeping your mind active. And while the two are similar, stress and anxiety are notably different, including how to deal with them when it comes to getting better sleep. For most people, anxiety hits fast and hard. Stress, on the other hand, has a tendency to build up over time so that you become accustomed to it.
When anxiety hits it can make falling asleep feel impossible.
There are some things you can try to help ease your anxiety so that you really can have a restful night.
Stretch: Relieves tension and helps you relax
Journal: You don’t just need to write down what you’re grateful for! Dump whatever is in your head on the page. It’s better out than in.
Take a warm bath: Bath’s relax your body and mind, lower heart rate and blood pressure. If you hate baths, like me(!), take a shower!
Read a book: Not a self-help or a manual, an actual this-is-fun book!
Breathwork: It really a wonder tool for sleep, and there’s no excuses why you shouldn’t try. More on that in a bit.
And head here if you want to learn more about how your nervous system and anxiety are connected.
Better sleep for free with breathwork
Breathwork is a great way to help you get rich in sleep because you’re speaking your body’s language. By using breathwork to actively your body you can shift yourself into the rest-digest part of your nervous system, simply by changing how you’re breathing.
Here are three of my favorite go-to breathing exercises to help with sleep. You can try them before bed, in bed, and if you wake up in the middle of the night.
Box Breath. Think of four equal sides to remember how to do this simple breath. Breathe in for four counts, hold for four counts, exhale for four counts, hold for four counts. Continue for as long as needed. (Four minutes seems like the right length for this one for obvious reasons…)
Flip Reverse. Exhaling releases ACh, or “chill juice” into your body via your vagus nerve. The flip reverse breath asks you to exhale longer than you’re inhaling in order to amplify the chillness. Start with inhaling for four counts and exhaling for eight counts. You can adjust the counts as you need, just keep the exhale twice as long if possible.
Resonance Breathing. This type of breathing brings your body and mind back into balance. Breathe in for five counts and then exhale for five counts without holding the breath at either the top or bottom. This is a great one for helping you get back to sleep if you wake up in the middle of the night.
To wrap this up, sleep really is the 8th wonder of the world! The more you invest in great sleep, the more you’ll get back from it. If breathwork is resonating with you, or you feel curious about what a session would be like, check out my breathwork app, Soul. We’ve got a library full of sessions designed specifically for helping you get better sleep.
